I am ill again, went to the doctor’s this morning, got antibiotics this time. Scottish climate has had no mercy on me, although the doctor said I am building up resistance and need time to acclimatise. How much longer? I’ve been living here for more than four years now!
I was watching some tv to cheer myself up. Just heard this joke on an old episode of Mock the week:
Scotland has very low rating of mentally ill people. This is because you have to go that extra mile to be judgemental. “We didn’t realise he was a schizophrenic. We’ve always thought he was a bit of a character.”
One of my favourite jokes I heard in Scotland about Scotland is the next one, it made me laugh so hard!
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Asda with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Asda greeter said pleasantly, ‘Good morning, and welcome to Asda. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, ‘Hell no they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9 and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?’
‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am,’ replied the greeter. ‘I just couldn’t believe someone would shag you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda.’
And just one more:
Two robbers broke into a lodging house in Glasgow. Once they were inside, a huge fight ensued. Bruised and bleeding, they finally emerged by the back window. ”We didnae do so bad,’ ‘said one. We came oot wi’ twenty pounds.” ”Aye” said the other, “But we went in wi’ fifty”
Perhaps these are just jokes, but what makes them even more funny is, I can imagine these situations could very likely have happened in reality.